Because I'm the Sensei!
by avis de rapina
Summary: The gods have created the 'perfect' goddess, Pandora, and sent her to Earth to capture the Gifts. She is beautiful with a body to die for but when she uses her powers her sexy bod is turned into that of a 10yr old. A Ranma ½ Kamisama damono crossover


"…500 mg of Ciprofloxacin BID for 3 more days to complete his course of treatment," the intern concluded.

The consultant assigned for the week to supervise the training hospital's house cases nodded her head to signify approval of the proposed treatment plan.

The resident in-charge of the next patient led the way over to the next room.

"This is one of our more unusual cases this week, sensei; a 10-year old girl who apparently suffers from ADHD. She had all the classic signs and her language skills indicate that she may have had difficulty in school as well. She reported all sorts of visual hallucinations and we've withheld Ritalin as we were considering an adverse drug reaction; however her toxicology results show that she has none of the drug in her system.

"She has quieted down on her own. Enough so to almost make us suspect she has a bipolar disorder. Aside from her insisting that she sees chains and collars on some of the staff, she's a perfect little angel. We're worried about her sudden listlessness since yesterday. All of our work-ups have ruled-out endocrine disorders, infection, degenerative disease and cranial trauma…"

"Trauma?" the consultant hissed as she stopped her examination of the sleeping girl. She dragged the residents and the accompanying interns and students out of the room and into the corridor. "Who would dare to hurt a child like that? Where are her parents?" The doctor was livid. At 38 she and her husband of the past 10 years have finally given up on their hopes of having their own children. To see anyone abuse a child, even one with the suspected mental health problems mentioned, made her want to abandon her Hippocratic oath and **_primum, secundum et tertium nocere_** (firstly, secondly and thirdly do harm) to the abusers.

"She has no parents, sensei," the Chief Resident rushed to calm down his boss. "She is one of the survivors of that hotel fire last weekend. She was checked-in with a teenaged boy who we first thought was her brother. However his family denied all knowledge of her when they retrieved his body.

"There was no indication of any sexual molestation," he added at her unvoiced question. "She claims that the boy, one Ibara Aoi was her 'manservant'."

"Not the same Ibara…"

"Yes," he answered, "the runaway brother of the Ibara sisters."

"How sad. My sister is a Shunran fan. Do we have any idea of who she is or where she's from?"

"No, sensei. The only name she gave is 'Pan-do-ra'," the resident-in-charge answered as she struggled with the foreign-sounding name. "She claims to have been traveling with the late Ibara-san for the past few months. She can give no further information than that. So far the police and government bureaucracy have drawn a blank."

"She didn't suffer from smoke inhalation. If we can clear her of an organic cause for her behavior she will be transferred to one of the prefectural orphanages pending a vacancy at a national psychiatric institution," the Chief Resident added.

"There will be none of that!" the consultant snapped. "This little girl, this hinako has been through too much already. What she needs is a loving home environment with parents who will accept her with whatever problems she has." _Hinako… that would be a much better name than that of a Greek troublemaker._ "Inform Social Services that I will be taking over responsibility for her welfare. She is to be transferred to my private service immediately."

"B-- But, Ninomiya-sensei, will they even allow that?" the resident-in-charge asked. "There is sure to be all sorts of red tape involved in…"

"They will just have to. A child of her age, much less one with her problems, will not likely be successfully placed with a foster family before she comes of age. Mizuki-san in Social Services will be able to vouch for me. The Ministry will agree because they know no one else but I will want to willingly take responsibility for her.

"Because no one else but I will be interested in and also have the capability to provide what help she needs out of my own pocket.

"Because no other interested party will be able to match my credentials.

"And finally, they will not dispute my decisions for my patient…

-----

**"...Because I'm the Sensei!"**

Prologue - The Little Girl Lost.

A Ranma ½ - Because I'm the Goddess! crossover.

by avis de rapina

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**Disclaimer:** _Ranma Nibunnoichi_ is created and owned by Rumiko Takahashi. _Kami-sama_ _damono_ is created and owned by Shamneko. This pathetic attempt at crossing-over Ranma with a series of which I've only read two volumes of the manga is my own creation. I own-up to whatever faults you find with it.

-----

"Speech"

_Thoughts_

_+Telepathy-like Communication+_

'Quotations'

EMPHASIS

**Sound Effects**

**--oO0Oo--**

Pandora was despondent. For the first time in her short existence on Earth she had failed, spectacularly.

To be truthful, she had made mistakes before. One could not forget the first time she demonstrated her goddess powers for a skeptical Aoi. All she wanted to do was prove that she was a goddess by performing a miracle; she performed two. The first was the 61 meter-tall (200 ft) tsunami she created out of nowhere… on the inland sea yet! The second was that, although the town they were in at the time was destroyed, nobody was killed or even slightly injured.

Most anybody else would have called that a spectacular failure. In truth it was a blessing in disguise. It allowed Pandora to not only discover that she shifts form into that of a 10-year old and loses her goddess powers after using them; it also allowed her to discover that kissing Aoi on the lips restores her to her mature form and full power BEFORE she had to find out the hard way while fighting the 'Gifts'. For a supposedly perfect goddess created for the purpose of gathering the Gifts, she had a pretty unusual weakness.

Her failure was not that she had lost to the Gifts. They had been becoming harder to defeat of late. It was inevitable that she would not successfully capture one on her first go. Her failure was in how she had lost to the three Gifts who had set her up.

-----

_**Flashback:**_

The first was captured easily enough. She kissed Aoi and triggered her full power. Kissed him again and cast **_Asich Ergalion,_** her spell which pulled Aoi's soul out of his body and converted it into a tool with which to defeat the Gift. This time around, it was the clippers. She used them to cut the invisible chain the Gift held to control her slave by the invisible collar on the other end.

The second Gift made her move before she could capture and absorb the first, and by that act release Aoi's soul to return to his body. This Gift had either not yet enslaved a male or had released him just prior to Pandora's arrival. This effectively placed the Gift's vessel in stealth mode.

The first Gift's former slave was preoccupied with her former vessel, a timid housewife whose weak will allowed the Gift to possess and control her; the former slave was her philandering husband whose remorse at the realization of how his actions had hurt the girl he first fell, and still was, in love with promised the healing of that relationship. That was the only good news of that encounter.

The bad news was that the second Gift was blocking Pandora from the escaping first Gift. Without that Gift, Pandora wouldn't be able to release Aoi's soul. The Gifts' version of her spell converted their slaves' very bodies into a magical tool. It was also weaker and allowed the slaves to release the spell at will. Pandora's original spell was more powerful and only required her servant's soul; the resulting rune weapon could only be dispelled through the power of a kami. Mattsun might know of another way to release Aoi, but he had been missing since that morning. Maya-chan had reported that some strange man had catnapped Mattsun along with several others. His message to Pandora and Aoi stated that he had gone off after the man. Pandora and Aoi had wanted to follow after them, but Maya didn't have time to give details beyond a vague description of a stocky balding man in a dingy white gi dragging a sack full of cats and carrying a 6-year old boy covered in bandages. Pandora and Aoi were about to leave when the first Gift and her slave broke through their hotel room door.

Desperate to prevent the first Gift's escape, Pandora used her powers to blast the second Gift out of the way. This forced the change to her younger, powerless form. But with the obstructing second Gift out of the way she could capture and absorb the first Gift, release Aoi's soul, kiss him to regain her power and re-perform **_Asich Ergalion._** This time she'll use him as the fishing rod to draw out the second Gift from her vessel; as she had done when Oneiros possessed Aoi's ex-tutor Serizawa-sensei. After absorbing that Gift, she and a restored Aoi could then go to Maya's location and rescue her cat-advisor Mattsun.

That was when the third Gift made her appearance. This one was also operating without a slave. Even if she had one it would only be overkill. Pandora was powerless and outnumbered. The first Gift's former vessel and slave had quickly left during the battle with the second. Aoi's soul was still locked in the useless clipper form and his body was clinically dead. Maya-chan was out trying to rescue Mattsun, whose own catnapping was suspiciously timed, and wouldn't have been able to do anything even if he was there. (The young Buddhist monk did not have Aoi's training in the martial arts; he had joined them out of gratitude for being freed from his collar and chains. Pandora was jealous of how Aoi got along so well with the bishonen boy and her own chibi-form… Maybe Mattsun was correct and Aoi loved the loli?)

The second and third Gifts held her down. There was nothing she could do. The first Gift now approached. Without her powers she could not absorb the Gift; with her depression over her situation, the Gift could now possess her. This must have been their plan all along. The kami created and sent her to Earth to reclaim the Gifts that the first Pandora had released ages ago. She had become too complacent at her earlier successes. Now the Gifts would possess her and make use of her powers to further spread among mankind. Humanity will turn further away from the kami. She was supposed to have been their ultimate weapon in the struggle. The Gifts had learned her weaknesses and had adapted faster than she had.

Outnumbered she may be. Outmaneuvered also. But she was not completely powerless. The Gifts only possessed women with weak wills. Once Maya-chan returned with Mattsun they would find a way to release Aoi. Together they would capture the Gifts. She WOULD reclaim them all and bring mankind back to the proper worship of the kami… _Pandora will do all that_, she thought, _Because_ _I'M the Goddess!_

With that desperate thought she successfully rejected the Gift's attempt to possess her. The feedback from their struggle unfortunately started the fire that ultimately led to the demise of Aoi's body by smoke inhalation. She was lucky to have survived herself. The same blast that started the fire knocked her out and blew her into the corridor. The hotel staff members that came in response to the former vessel and slave's confused ranting about some sort of battle going on were able to pull her away before the fire got too hot. The Gifts made their own escape. Aoi's body lay hidden behind the bed and was discovered too late.

Even that wouldn't have been too bad. Aoi's soul was still with her; his giant clipper form had shrunk down to the shape of a child's safety scissors. They could still communicate. She promised him that; once Mattsun returned and showed her how; she would regain her powers, re-animate his body, reattach his soul and open a can of whoop buttocks on the Gifts that did this to them.

**_End flashback._**

-----

The spectacular and undeniable nature of her failure was made clear to her the previous afternoon when Maya-chan finally caught up with her. He relayed the unpleasant news that he was too late to save Mattsun. The gi-clad man had apparently dumped Mattsun and the other cats in a covered pit, starved them, then tied up the wounded boy and dumped him in too. He arrived just in time to witness the boy jump through the pit cover, break his bindings and attack his tormentor. The last he saw of either of them, the boy was mewling and running on all fours after the man who now wore bloody tatters instead of his dingy gi. Maya discovered Mattsun's lifeless body, one of several that lined the floor of the pit.

Maya offered to take Aoi's place as Pandora's new manservant. Desperate to try anything Pandora agreed and smooched him… with no results. Pandora was now locked as a powerless human child with no support and no means to contact the kami. The final blow came when one of the Gifts possessed a nurse who then enslaved an orderly. They taunted her with the news that Aoi's 'family' had claimed his body for cremation two days before.

This news was too much for Aoi to take. He withdrew into silence and refused all of her attempts to talk to him.

Pandora wasn't willing to blame him for ignoring her. She was the goddess. Hers was the duty to reclaim the Gifts. Hers was the decision to involve Aoi in that mission. And hers was the blame for that mission's failure. She wasn't sure why the kami still haven't recalled her. If they did, she could petition them to resurrect Aoi and return him to the life he knew before they met. She would willingly accept a demotion to any post or any other punishment they might impose for her failure… if only they would undo the damage she had done to the young boy she had started to care for.

Even the news that Ninomiya-sensei was willing to adopt her and look after her failed to raise her spirits. The goddess Pandora had failed. All that was left of her was a hinako… a small child. She would thus be that small child for the few brief days that it would take to starve herself to death. Maybe then her soul would be able to petition the kami to do what they could for Aoi. She would be reunited with Mattsun at least… Oh, how she missed the little drag queen! If they were kind, the kami might just demote her to a guardian angel. She could at least watch over Maya or a reincarnated Aoi.

A clamor out in the corridor drew her attention. Several nurses were shouting in anger; among them she recognized the voice of the Gift who had come to taunt her. People ran up and down the corridor while one phrase kept being shouted in triumph: "What a haul… What a haul!"

-----

After some time the door to the darkened hospital room opened and a stealthy figure slipped inside.

_What fun! I'd better take the time to sort these little beauties. One of those nurses had a strange flavor to her ki. I'd better get rid of her 'contribution' to my collection before it sours the others. Let's see… it was the white cotton number with the red ties at the hip. Pity; you don't find that many adults wearing strawberry print panties. Maybe I could wash it out and come back for it later. Now where's the bathroom do…_

"Who's there? Did somebody come into the room?"

"…" _There's somebody else in here?! A little girl! Why didn't I sense her when I came in? She must be on her deathbed to have such weak ki._

Hurriedly pulling off his mask, the intruder made sure that the door was locked before turning on the lights.

Pandora blinked as the lights were switched on. As her vision cleared she peered at the wizened man in the purple clothing. There was no fear in her eyes as she gazed at this stranger who had so surreptitiously entered her previously darkened room. What was the point of being scared? She had already failed at her mission. If somebody were to kill her now then her soul would only reach the kami sooner. So there was no fear in her eyes, only… resignation.

The sick-puppy-who'd-been-kicked-into-a-wall expression on the young patient's face tugged at the nearly non-existent sympathies of the panty thief. Privately he made a vow to do what he could for the dying girl.

"And who are you, my dear? Why are you in this place?"

"I asked you first."

"So you did," he chuckled. He was glad to see that she had some spirit. "I'm Happi-san. I go around giving gifts to good little girls and boys," he indicated the bundle wrapped in a green cloth behind him. "Perhaps you would want Uncle Happi-san to give you a gift?"

Pandora's face fell further at the mention of the word. "The only 'gift' that would make me happy right now is death." Thanatos was one of the last Gifts on her 'To do' list. Yet gladly would she accept that one's curse on humanity.

Even the callous Happosai blanched at her words. He had not heard one so young seek death so despairingly, not since the Great Pacific War ended. There must be something that he could do… What if?

"What about another kind of gift, child? What about a way to make you get better?"

"What do you mean?"

"I couldn't help but notice that you have very little energy. Aside from that lack, you do not look like somebody about to die."

Pandora's eyes widened at Happi-san's words. This man could tell that she had lost her powers; he also implied that he might know of a way to help her regain them! At the back of her mind she could hear Aoi metaphorically catch his breath as her excitement drew his attention and made him listen in.

"Wha-- What do you know about my 'energy'?

"I mean your ki or personal soul-energy. It is the power that each life form produces and uses to stay alive, among other things. It is this energy whose excess leaves our bodies to form the chi or spirit-energy that surrounds us all. You have very little ki, and as such are trying to draw upon chi to stay alive. I know of a way for you to get as much chi as you need to not only stay alive, but also to become healthy."

"What must I do, Happi-san?"

"First of all, child, tell me your name."

"My name is Pa--," she stopped herself. She had promised to foreswear her goddess name until she reclaimed her full powers, or until she had found a way to free Aoi's trapped soul.

After she muffled a gasp (incidentally mimicking a dying person's breath) she continued, "My name is Hinako, Ninomiya Hinako."

**--oO0Oo-- **

"Come on, girls. There he goes!"

"Get him! Get him!"

"That's two days that he's done that to me. Vengeance shall be mine!"

"What a haul… What a haul!"

Happosai dodged a thrown bedpan. He paused and waved an uplift black lace bra with half cups at the thrower. "Thanks for these, toots! Although maybe your boyfriend might like it more if you were to 'go commando', especially with that short skirt you're wearing."

He jumped forward and nuzzled her ample breasts. She shrieked and beat at her chest. He slithered down her legs then jumped back waving the matching black lace thong. "I'll just take these to complete the set. It'll save him time unwrapping you later. No need to thank me!" he called-out as he hopped around the corner.

"…"

"Yuriko-chan…"

"You said you were 'just friends' with Ishikawa-kun. Naughty, naughty!"

"Aaarrghh! What are we waiting for?! After the troll!!"

The chase resumed. The hunt turned down the corridor; they paused to see the pervert pushing a wheelchair occupied by Ninomiya-sensei's adopted daughter.

Ichida Yuriko, a formerly shy and somewhat mousy RN, stomped her fishnet-stockinged, high-heeled feet in anger as Happosai handed her bra to the young girl to examine.

"Do you see what I mean, Hinako? Can you taste the flavor of the remaining ki on this bra?"

"Yes, sensei."

"Get him!"

The mob was incensed at this blatant corruption of a minor (who also happened to be the unit's sweetheart).

"Now, my student."

"**_Happou-go-en-satsu!_**"

Desiccated, paper-thin forms floated in the air-conditioned currents. The corridor was otherwise empty except for a stunned Happosai, a dazed nurse Yuriko, a likewise stunned Ishikawa (the hunkiest orderly in the hospital and Yuriko's recently-acquired boy-toy) and a restored goddess.

-----

Pandora was back!

_+Aoi!+_

_+I see it, Pandora. That nurse is a Gift-vessel and the orderly's her slave. Hurry and cut the chain before they can recover!+_

_+Oh, Aoi. I'm so sorry for everything that happened. It is all Pandora's fault…+_

_+Later, goddess. First let us defeat that Gift and restore your powers. We can talk again afterwards.+_

_+Do-- Does this mean that you forgive me **(Sniff**!)+_

_+**(Sigh)** I guess it does… But I won't if you let them get away!+_

-----

"Eep! **_Asich Ergalion!_**" With that, Pandora drew out Aoi's safety scissors form and kissed it. He transformed into a giant syringe.

"The bond is severed!" Pandora called out as she stabbed the needle through a link in the chain; breaking it before the Gift-possessed nurse could raise it to her lips to cast her own spell.

A cherub popped out of the nurse's chest. Pandora walked over and picked her up in the cup of her hand.

"Clotho? I thought that was you back in the hotel room. That must mean that the other two were your sisters Lachesis and Atropos. Did you three plan to kill Aoi? I know Momos did try to kill him; but was it part of your plan to actually do that?"

The cherub started to sob.

"Shhh, sweet one. Come to me and be at peace."

Pandora brought the Gift to her chest where a small cloud of feathers marked the absorption of the Gift back into Pandora. The absorption was interrupted as the goddess was suddenly glomped.

"Sweeto! Here comes your sweet Happi-san!"

Happosai's ill-timed leap resulted in his contact with Pandora's chest. Being mortal, he could not see the disembodied Gift and had come to the conclusion that this blonde vision of feminine pulchritude, scantily dressed in the remnants of a pediatric patient's gown, was calling out to him in invitation. He leapt towards the indicated landing spot and was promptly struck with a powerful **ZAP!**

The greater portion of the Gift's power was successfully absorbed by Pandora. However the remainder was unsuccessfully absorbed. That lesser portion grounded through the perverted master's body; it knocked him out and blew him out the window. The resulting discharge also significantly damaged the goddess' abilities as well as the ki-pathways impressed on her by Happosai's technique. Pandora was involuntarily shifted back into her juvenile form as Aoi was likewise shifted back to the safety scissors.

-----

_+Pandora, are you alright? Speak to me!+_

_+Owie, Aoi. Heh! Pandora made a funny, but she's feeling just a widdle bit sickie-wickie…+_

_+What happened? Why did we change form again? Did you use your power on the old man?+_

_+No. Pandora doesn't know what happened. I didn't try to use my powers. He must have interrupted the absorption of Clotho's powers.+_

_+Will you be alright? What did that do to you?+_

_+Pandora thinks so. I don't know. I wish that Mattsun was here.+_

_+Matsuyuki might no longer be around to help us; but I see somebody who is.+_

-----

Pandora looked up to see Amagi Maya arriving with Kabahara Suzuran. Unfortunately she was not wearing her glasses; Maya had them and was trying to put them back on her; naturally she was refusing to cooperate. So he was arriving with VioSuzu-san.

"So this is where you've been keeping yourself. What are you doing walking around a hospital in a ripped gown and no underwear? If you were to go around dressed like that in your adult form you would start another riot. Why are you here at all instead of out looking for my Jon?"

-----

_+How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that? I am NOT your pet dog!+_

_+Only Pandora can hear you when you're like this, Aoi. Remember?+_

_+**(Sigh)** It's not like I'm likely to change back… That Gift did say that my 'family' had me cremated.+_

_+Clotho and her sisters might not have been telling the truth. They did try to weaken Pandora's will enough to possess her.+_

_+It almost worked too. If Happosai hadn't taught you those techniques a Gift could have easily taken you over.+_

_+…+_

_+Pandora, promise me that you will not give up again. No matter what happened or what will happen to me, promise that you will not give up on your mission.+_

_+I...+_

_+Promise me, goddess.+_

_+I promise. It's just…+_

_+Just?+_

_+Another nurse told Pandora that Aoi was badly burned in the fire… There might be some truth to what Clotho said.+_

_+I thought you were trying to cheer me up? Let's just get back to the Ibara estate before Shunran keeps her promise and eats me to keep us always together **(nervous laughter)**.+_

-----

"…very impolite to ignore somebody while they are talking to you. Especially after they had to leave school and travel to another prefecture just to find you." Suzu-san was poking Pandora in the shoulder as she ranted.

"You're correct, Kabahara-san. Please forgive Pandora," Pandora said through tight lips as she bowed.

"Pandora-sama!" Maya was shocked at seeing the goddess give obeisance to the ill-mannered personality that time-shared the body of their sometimes landlady's niece.

"Be quiet, you pervert!" VioSuzu had still not forgiven the bishonen monk-in-training for seeing her naked body, even if it was her sweeter co-personality that had walked-in on Pandora and Maya in the furoba. "The bimbo is finally learning her place."

That did it. In line with the fine fanfiction tradition of bashing the bully, it was now time to teach Suzu-san a lesson. Besides, Pandora needed a power-up.

"**_Happou-go-en-satsu!_**"

The ensuing ki-drain resulted in an opportunity for Maya to place her glasses back on Suzuran's face, triggering her personality change; and a once more adult Pandora…

"Oh my! Pandora, what happened to your clothes?!"

…who smiled at the return of her dear friend. Said friend was blushing at the latest display of Pandora's lack of feminine modesty. One would have expected her to have gotten used to the free shows by now. Aoi only protested the most blatant public displays nowadays.

"That's not important right now, Suzuran-chan. How do you feel?"

"Strangely weak for some reason. Is that why we're in a hospital? Am I a patient here?"

"No, why don't we go into my room and catch-up while Amagi-san finds me some clothing?"

-----

They were soon able to escape the hospital as Maya had some luck in finding clothes for Pandora. The clothes were nurse Yuriko's civilian clothes. As a former Gift-vessel she had retained her knowledge of Pandora's true nature. Her remorse at her actions made her want to make amends. On the plus side, Ishikawa had asked her out that weekend. Unfortunately, he had asked her because he remembered how she had looked in those civilian clothes. Said clothes consisted of a black tube-top that was more of a 4-inch-wide band of elasticized cloth, low-riding denim cut-off shorts, black half-boots and the previously mentioned black lace underwear. Yuriko planned to wear a sports bra and an adult diaper under her uniform for the rest of her shift.

Even more unfortunately those clothes, while a tight fit on an adult Pandora, were far too loose on her chibi-frame. She suddenly changed forms just as they were passing the gates of a middle school. The exiting students of the all-boys school laughed at her as she suddenly felt her top and strapless bra slip to her waist when they were suddenly bereft of structural support. They laughed louder as said upper garments joined her shorts and panties in a sudden civic-minded observance of the Law of Gravity. Their laughter turned to taunts as the sudden entanglement around her ankles aided by the accompanying reduction in her foot size led to her falling face forward, naked before a crowd of laughing schoolboys and disapproving adults.

Perhaps it was good to find out that her power faded with time before she confronted the Gifts that possessed Aoi's former family members and their staff.

"**_Happou-gojuu-en-satsu!_**"

It was also good to find that the other techniques Happosai had taught her worked. The ability to absorb ki without requiring her opponent's anger or battle aura would come in handy.

"Pandora-samaaaa!"

As it was good to know that her power to Charm men to do her bidding likewise still worked. Unfortunately, she used too much and the older of the remaining boys, their fathers, drivers and male teachers were now inflamed with lust at the sight of her restored adult form's naked nubility.

"**_Happou_****_ Tsurisen Gaeshi!_**"

Good thing she learned how to use the collected ki as an offensive weapon.

"You slut! How dare you…"

Too bad that using her Charm still made women insanely jealous.

"**_Happou-go-en-satsu!_**"

And that took care of the mothers, maids, nannies and female teachers.

An expeditious retr-- er, advance in the opposite direction would be in order. Perhaps her new mother, Ninomiya-sensei, could be of help.

**--oO0Oo--**

Incidentally, Happosai awoke later that day with a really bad headache. He returned to the hillside camp where he and Soun had finally tracked down Genma two days ago. Genma had claimed that he was on a training trip with his son. This was clearly a tall tale. Genma was camped all alone and was looking after nothing other than a really nasty set of scratches. That should teach him not to camp beside a cave that was likely a wildcat lair. After browbeating his larger student, he had set Soun to tending Genma's wounds and getting supplies while he went to answer the call of the wild underwear. All those thoughts about wildcats had brought to mind the last time he had gotten hold of a set of tiger-striped panties back in Tomobiki. _Come to think of it, _he mused as he shambled on,_ after that time that I had gotten hold of those tiger-striped panties I wound up feeling extra crispy just like now. Boy, I could really use a bottle of sake. Those useless students of mine had better have set-up a new camp away from that cave; it really stank of cat-piss._

Meanwhile far from the hillsides beside Kobe, a young boy slept away in an old woman's lap. Her husband and unmarried son were dealing with the sudden lumber and firewood surplus that had appeared the previous evening. She wasn't frightened. The poor foundling waif that had suddenly appeared at their door that morning was as gentle as a pussycat. Chibi-Ranma slept the sleep of the righteous; he dreamt cat-dreams of falling trees, herring, a fat bald-headed mouse, milk, sunbeams, blonde girls and menthol cigarettes.

-----

**Author's Notes:** **'_Primum__ non nocere'_** or 'First of all, do no harm' is an aphorism attributed to Claudius Galen, a physician of ancient Rome. (He treated the emperors Aurelius and Commodus – yes, the emperors in the movie 'Gladiator'.) It is also one of the mottoes of my father's medical school. Just about every such school ingrains this concept into their students. It forms part of the basis of the modern Hippocratic Oath. See, you can learn something from reading fanfiction.

I grew up reading Edith Hamilton's 'Mythology: Timeless Tales of Gods and Heroes'. I'd like to thank Shamuneko-san for writing this manga based in part on the Greek pantheon. The research I did for this crackfic allowed me to renew old acquaintances. Please allow me to show-off the fruits of my labors.

Pandora - AKA 'all the gifts' or 'gifted by all the gods' - was the first woman according to Greek mythology. As such she can be seen as the counterpart to Eve in Judeo-Christian belief. She was created by the gods and given their gifts. Zeus then offered her as a wife first to Prometheus (foresight), who refused, then to his brother Epimetheus (hindsight), who ignored his brother's advice to refuse gifts from Zeus. Zeus, BTW, was angry at Prometheus who, after creating Man with the help of Epimetheus, stole fire from Olympus and gave it to man. She was supposed to be Zeus punishment for man. Whether she had a vessel (not a box) with her when she married Epimetheus, came across it later, or WAS the vessel itself varies. Unfortunately, the early misogynist views that placed all the ills that mankind faces as the fault of Pandora opening her 'box' also has its counterpart in the story of Eve, the forbidden fruit, and the concept of Original Sin.

Shamneko names the Gifts in her manga after Greek deities: Moros - doom or fate. Nemesis - divine retribution. Oneiros - dreams. Hesperis - evening, one of the Hesperides. Momos - evil-spirited blame and unfair criticism; also god of satire, mockery, writers, and poets. Apate - deceit. And Kale - one of the three Graces. Interestingly, with the exception of Kale, they are all children of Nyx, the goddess of the night, who is in turn the daughter of Chaos. Does anyone see a foreshadow?

I followed her lead in naming the three Gifts I introduced after the three Moirae or Fates: Clotho - the spinner, Lachesis - the alloter of fate, and Atropos - the cutter of the thread. If you remember Disney's 'Hercules', they were the three hags that time-shared one eye. Although some similarity between the Greek Fates and the Norse Norns could be made, I can assure you that there will be no crossing-over with AMG! in this fic. Honestly; I promise!

This ends my bit of enriching the knowledge of the general populace. There are some benefits to a self-education in the classics. (Mostly that you'll have to do your own research to see if and where I'm leading you wrong.)

As the disclaimer implies, this story will be more Ranma ½ than BItG. Hey it's not my fault that TokyoPop will only release the 3rd volume this April. At least I paid for my copies _(couldn't find an online scanslation anyway)._ I don't know of any other BItG fanfics. If they sped up their releases, maybe more fans would write fanfics to attract new fans to their series. At 14 fics on FFN, that's one story per published volume of _Ai Yori Aoshi_. A _non sequitur_, yes; but who said fanfiction author's notes had to make sense:-)

The first part of this chapter was a slightly dark introduction to the basic story behind _Kami-sama damono_ for those who are unfamiliar with the manga. (Don't worry; the character deaths are not permanent. Among the kami the soul is eternal. Aoi and Mattsun will make an appearance in later chapters.) The second part of this chapter finished the introduction the characters from BItG and detailed the literal **_deus ex_** **_machina_**-ism that allows this crossover.

The next chapter shall take place in the mostly canon Ranmaverse from about vol 25 ch 3 of the manga, which is when Hinako first appeared. I did say 'mostly canon', right? Don't count on it! I think that I have foreshadowed this story enough to leave clues as to how I plan this tale to end. Even then, I hope that you'll stay for the ride anyway.


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